1. Feels very happy with myself for completing an exceptionally good tawaf .. :)
2. Me and son wait in the prayer hall in front of Kaaba while my husband perform his Tawaf.
3. While waiting, me & Huzai got severe scolding by a general worker in alien language (Urdu ??) for misbehaving . Feels very low... :(
Pic : My husband and son after completing the tawaf during mid day around 200pm: temperature 47 Celcius.
4. Now, me proceed to perform my Sa'ie while my husband and son wait in the prayer hall. Sa'ie consists of 7 turns between Bukit Safa and Bukit Marwah.
5. Start my Sa'ie at Bukit Safa. Still deeply affected by the scolding .. :(.
6. Do my intentional for Sa'ie and recite a little zikr Subhanallah, Alhamdullilah, Allahuakbar.
7. Performed my Sa'ie with very low spirit, low concentration and very little zikr. Focusing instead on feeling of despair. Feeling of never been able to do anything right. Feeling of always making mistake. This goes on for almost 3 turns.
8. On 3rd -4th turns; read little zikr, and the intense feelings change from despair to doubt. Wondering whether the act of prayers towards the Kaabah is similar to the act of idol worshipping. Questioning why we all have to come to Makkah to perform the Umrah/Hajj. Afterall, Allah is not in Makkah and Allah is not in Kaabah. What is so special about Kaabah that we have to come all the way to Makkah to pray? Might as well pray in my own hometown, Malaysia.. *.*
9. On 5th turns; read little zikr, and the feelings change from doubt about the Kaabah, the Umrah etceteras to wondering whether Allah is actually an allien. And the final straw is the question whether Allah actually exists. When the final question on Allah existence echoed in my brain/heart, I immediately realised I have been fooled by Iblis.
10. Please note that, I have always have strong faith in Allah, and I have declared and vowed my faith during my second tawaf. And, as I mentioned in earlier, my tawaf was exceptionally good, moving, earth shattering, beyond of this world .. experience. All I can say is Alhamdullilah ...
11. On 6th-7th turns; I opened my little guiding book from Tabung Haji Travel & Tours, and start reading the prayer and Doa recomended during Sa'ie. Surprise .. surprise, the prayers are for protection from Iblis. This time around, I really focused on my prayers and doa. And I pray very hard for Allah protection from Iblis.
12. This experience is particularly scary for me. I do not know if I manage to convey it succesfully in this blog. And, I almost did not want to performed my third umrah due to this experience. HOWEVER, i do understand that we must not fear anything else BUT Allah, otherwise we could fall under Syirik which is the only sin Allah will not forgive.
13. Hasbunallahu Wa Ni'mal Wakil - Cukuplah Allah sebagai penolong ku. Amin.
My Conclusions:
1. Iblis is a formidable enemy. As such, we must always seek Allah protections from Iblis.
2. Kaabah is Allah house. It is the first mosque build in this world and was built by Prophet Abraham and his son Prophet Ishmael upon Allah instructions.
3.We went to performed Hajj/Umrah because Allah instructed us to visit his house and performed Umrah and Hajj so that we may regain knowledge.
4.Praying towards Kaabah is not an act of worshipping idols since we never requests anything from the Kaabah itself. It is just the direction for prayers.
5. We are human, and we will always make mistake. As such, we must always seek forgiveness from Allah and perform the solat sunat taubat regularly.
6. All mosque are house of Allah.
7. Iblis does not whisper in your ears, he whispers in your heart/brain.
8. Do not dwell in your problems, I fear Iblis will come and try his very best to deceived you.
9. What happened during Umrah/Hajj is directly related to our daily lives back in our hometown. All the knowledge gain during the Hajj/Umrah should be applied in our daily lives.
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